Can I Get a Witness?
The universe expresses itself through every permutation of life/energy possible. We're sea slugs, asteroids and dying stars. Living things are the means by which that majestic uni/multiverse perceives and experiences the myriad expressions of Source. By my logic, our purpose in life is to be present and live that sliver of consciousness we are so briefly gifted with.
I've had an interesting life thus far, falling into places and bizarre coincidences so odd I've been accused of lying to get attention. There's a bunch of stories and theories rolling around in this old noggin. Finally writing about my brother opened the floodgates. If you, whoever you are, choose to explore with me, don't expect conventional. My brain works funny.
Buddhist/Yoga hipsters throw the word compassion around a lot. Targets/victims of sociopaths do the same with the term empathic. Feeling words are useless if not accompanied by direct action. There are times I can feel emotional pain emanating from others, and have no choice but try to help. Grrrr... it can be frustrating to not be able to turn away. Give until it hurts, grump about it, then do it again. Slightly unrelated, I've an "arrangement" with the universe: throw anything at me, I can handle it, sock it to me! In return I receive exactly what I need, even if it's a bonk on the head, and not a cent more. A Christian friend once asked "Why don't you ask for more from God? He'll bless you with abundance." That's not how it works. The experience is the reward. The challenge is not to burn out. The solution is give free rein to the inner child and let her wreak disorder, chaos and then laugh about it.
Today, driving home from the gym, I was trying to change lanes before the intersection because there was a homeless man with a sign (not unusual, right?). Fate did not comply. All I had was 40 cents to give. So I gave it. When I give, couple of things: eye contact, and I grab their hand with both of mine and squeeze. It's an honor to be given the opportunity to make that brief connection. If I turn away from someone whose pain I feel, it haunts, and I worry about them. This blesses both, doncha know?
Until lockdown 2020 I volunteered hospice for 4-5 years. This is one of the reasons I *hate* lockdown and masks: many of the people I visited had no family to visit them. The only human contact they had were professionals poking, prodding, and leaving as soon as possible. I've spent time with Alzheimer's patients on their literal deathbed, as in any hour now. A 3 year old drowning victim brain damaged and paralyzed from the neck down by oxygen deprivation. A HS freshman with a rare cancer. A former musician whose left hand muscle memory would play along with old country songs. Families that thought they could talk me into volunteering to be a caregiver full-time... for free. Lame!
The last gentleman I visited, John Saunders, was a hoot. The volunteer coordinator warned me that previous volunteers left after the first visit and refused to go back. Pussies, lol. Saunders was 82, bedridden, and slightly deaf. He had a foul mouth, was old-school racist-sexist, and profoundly religious. One hour a week for 16 months. I could write a book about him, he had amazing stories. Sometimes those tales were questionable, the details slightly different every time. The story of his daughter dying in his car while he was transporting her to a different hospital was one of them: the last time I heard the story it sounded more like his drunk driving accident than a heart attack. I promised John, whose son refused to visit, that I'd be his friend until death. Medicare cut him off from hospice (not dying fast enough, seriously) just as lockdown happened and care homes restricted visitors (still the case). I broke my promise, he died alone. Multiply this across the country, across the globe: tens, if not hundreds, dying alone, frightened and forced to wear a mask. Torturing the vulnerable "for their own good," should be criminal. Ok, enough politicizing (for now).
I miss hospice. Most people find it creepy, spending time with "the dying." Until that last moment of transition, they're living, and just need a friendly smile, a willing ear, a hand to hold and another person that witnesses their unique manifestation of energy in a conscious universe. You have to consciously set aside ego and simply be those things, even when the individual is a turd. It happens, it happens. Unconditional love is a demanding task master - if you say you have it, forces might conspire to make you prove it. Multiple times. For the rest of your live. Amen :-)
