A page of unfinished beginnings...
persnickety
black thoughts
muddy shadows
color of imaginary
drying blood and scent
of yellow crusted scabs
i do not know
what unmans a man
what fret steals sleep
and haunts his midnight place
however intimate i am
with creeping dread
each passing year
the fear
of being old
alone
fey
glance askance at them
unfulfilled passive
passing herd
the waiters-for
the distant day
they'll let themselves see
sparkles in the air
slaves afraid of magic
resent the time it takes
to smile
dance with, we say
it's free, come play
tug at an ear sneak
slightly wicked kisses
we've belly laughs and
snicker-y secret giggles
for silent farts
strange sad the ones
that hear our voices
call like music but
shun shrug frown and
turn away
cryptic-didactic
deeper words i wish to say
(what isn't said is sometimes
poignant, more, than what is)
won't come out
won't come out to play
wrapped up tight in red satin bows
dreams are mute
desires make ache
hidden behind close-lipped smiles
there is no cosmic stasis
no status quo but flux
probability curves collapse
products of complex algorithms
multiplied by biochemical brain flares
reality is shaped by expectations
the future is lost two ways:
living in the past
refusing to dream oneself happy
agonismo
crooked verse remindful
anchoring to now
see sorrow is the
love-child born
of ego and desire
for what is naught
hunger disappointment fear
i refuse to live behind the glass
of wanting and more wanting
half forget that the still point
can stop and know the paisley
storm surrounding us
in firecracker sparkles
and the spice of old fashioned roses
let go of all the think you wants
what you haves
are perfect
equilibriate
days of tired to bear
the sneaking up madness
the creeping up panic
the seeping-in dread of will o'the wisp
knowing it's not real
doesn't make it better
the broken place in this juicy brain
is like a plantar wart
dug-out and yet again
it will return
smaller
and i will, hopeful,
limp until
the gouge heals
becomes a loving
forehead portal for
the all-seeing eye
the gaze that burns
that slays the allure
of what we can't foresee
tragedic
dead is good
ghosts are ghosts
and future pasts are
strictly spectral
why try to have answers
when questions go unasked
mortal minds think this or that
unseeing the solution sideways
each dances in self-made spotlight
traversing night skies by braille
ambivalent participants
in their own lives
how oddly ill to meter love
when it's hot-wired
into every atom
but they do
as if it pained to part
with a cupful
here and there
defiance
are you ready
for the head-first girl
metaphorical balls to the wall
sock-it-to-me
all or nothing
let's go let's go let's go
because there is only ever
now
hesitate if you must do
hold out for the exact right readiness
but when all is neat and tidied up
how much time was wasted-lost
waiting for those perfect moments
that never wait for you
exhalation
there's no ride the storm
when you're the hurricane
kick started by
the beating of wings
in the way-back
quite frankly i would prefer
to be a gentle breath
dancing around the bristlecones
soft touch of seasalt mist a
still stale sweetness
of a cave in the wilderness
where life moves slow silently
and the innocence within a soul
feels safe enough to sleep
anti-matter
(did you listen to the wee voice
behind your eyes the one the one
the one that said run
did you listen)
did you pry open the lid
of your crank case your brain pan
to find out the names
of the imps in your head
did you slice at the breastbone
to the meat of the matter
dissect to us why
your life doesn't change
did you look in the mirror
in the mirror this morning
to count old-new frowns
as they march into town
did you stand at the door
did you knock without fleeing
did you buy flowers and kindness
and truth at the store
did you hold her hand crying did you
kiss away rain drops
did you scare away ghosties or
with a laugh
invite them all in
virtuels
weird-worded pleas please
understand the burden
measure the depth of fathomless
somehow matter and energy collide
manifest in conscious flesh
that frequently forgets
to remember it is holy
look into my fire now
try again this time no flinching it's
like bumblebees and spiderwebs
makes no sense that i exist
(does this count as proof?)
in a world devoid of magic
you look at me with fear here
i've been an agent of healing
kisser of inner wounds
see now with your secret eyes
why there is only all
or nothing